Now this, by Royal standards, was a small family wedding, only a couple thousand of their nearest and dearest, and oh yeah, the TV cameras. This got me thinking a lot about the public versus the private. There is something very Mad Men-esq about keeping the private things in our lives, just that, private.  As we move toward a more and more reality driven culture, (and believe me the idea of ‘reality’ is pretty subjective.)  Often wonder (SATC-like) when do you keep the private private?

Personally, I believe in separation of church and state in all matters of life. I don’t bring my personal problems to work, and I don’t involve people who are just acquaintances in my home life in any significant way. Madam Ori and I, both being the product of Jamaican mothering, seem to live by the dictum; don’t put your business in the street. This means no crying in baseball, this means no falling down drunk in public places and generally keeping a smile on your face even if their isn’t a bounce in your step.  On one of my favorite Mad Men episodes Peggy is sobbing in the break room and Joan tells her quite sternly ““This is why I don’t allow crying in the break room. It erodes morale. There’s a place to do that, like you’re apartment.”

Yup, your apartment, or the bathroom, in a locked stall. As women we are often taken less seriously in the public sphere, and while some may say that a little emotion is what keeps us feminine it’s also what can make us susceptible to the kind of criticism that results from the profluence of emotion.

I am not advocating ice queendom, but a little more pause, in who we tell what. I believe that there is a time and a place for everything, and much of that should take place not out in the great wide world, but at home. Like a lady.

I would say that I wish that someone had told me this earlier on but I’m sure that one of my mentors did and because of my own maturity level, I couldn’t receive it. That and I have my own path in life that I have to walk. BUT if I can help some others develop a way to do a quick cost-benefit analysis on decision making and avoid heartbreak, failures, etc., I would love that as well.

I have degrees in psychology and business so that’s how I think about things. Pretty streamlined. That is when I decide to think them through. Here’s a quick decision-making guide that I’ve since developed for myself that has been working for me since implemented:

1. Decide on your desired outcome. This will actually determine everything else.
2. Quickly take inventory on who will be affected by said decision and how they will. The old adage that it takes a village to raise a child, make a marriage, make a person is true. We aren’t a city, town, villa of one and our decisions are bound to affect someone. I’m a firm believer in never burning bridges because you don’t know when you’ll need to cross them again.
3. Take inventory of the benefits of the decision. Benefits aka the good things.
4. Take inventory of the costs of the decision. Also known as the bad/unhealthy things.
5. Compare the two. If the benefits make the cost worth it then develop a plan of action to get to your desired outcome. If they don’t, that may not be the best decision for you.

The character she played was an assassin, a Western-styled samurai, but most of all, a distraught mother. Here’s to a woman who made us want to play with swords.

~ Madame Ori

red t-shirt, dark jeans, t-strap heels, cameo jewelry (red scarf added as a belt)

She is dressed for a formal shindig (I bet she has gloves on)

I am always throwing functions at my home –lovingly called The Queen –and I constantly find myself agonizing over the appropriate dress requirements to put on my invitations. Despite my house being under construction, I try to create an ambiance that will encourage my guests to feel glamorous, special, and to be outside of our normal everyday experience. One of the ways I do this is by sending out formal paper invitations. I think that receiving a paper invitation in the mail creates a certain feeling of excitement — here, they think, is a serious party, one to prepare for and expect a little magic. (I’ll talk about invitations and hostess-ing at a later date.) I always print the encouraged attire on the invite, sticking to the old school dress conventions. Dressing appropriately is a sign of proper manners. However, I’ve realized that many people do not understand what these conventions mean. So here’s a primer for all my ladies in waiting:

Black Tie: This one is fairly self-explanatory. Men should wear a tuxedo (or a very formal dark suit, if a black tie is impossible). Ladies should wear an evening gown, floor-length, with gloves and formal jewelry. Oftentimes the gloves are forgotten, a by-product of contemporary dress-down thinking. I personally believe that this is unfortunate; the gloves add a layer of glamour that matches the bow tie of the tuxedo and should be worn. Period. Sometimes events will request white tie, which effectively means the same thing, except that a white bowtie and vest should be substituted for the black one. Dresses should be lighter in color–white, creams, and pastels are great choices.

Formal: This can be another way of saying black tie, so the same tuxedo applies for men and the same floor-length evening gown is required for women. Strollers are also acceptable: dove gray/light colored suits or tuxedos for men. Daytime gowns for women.

Semi-formal: Men can wear dark suits or slacks and a dress shirt (but never without a blazer). Women can move to two pieces — sheer or shimmery blouses with skirts or even a very classy pants suit. This is the sort of outfit one might wear to a concert or a non-black tie charity event.

Cocktail: This is where is gets a bit hairy. Cocktail dress requires a level of formality, but not as much as black tie. This is usually because cocktail events are short, usually take place at dusk, and involve far more mingling than a classic formal event. The appropriate dress can range from informal to semi-formal for men and SHORT formal dresses for women (again a nice pants suit works as well).

Informal: THIS DOES NOT MEAN JEANS! Informal actually means conservative wear–the sort of clothing you might wear to a job interview or a museum. Men are expected to wear button-down shirts and slacks, while women typically wear blouses/sweaters and slacks or skirts.

Casual: Historically this has not meant jeans either. Casual usually refers to khakis, polos, and what I like to call Sunday Afternoon Brunch. While today jeans has become part of the casual attire, they must be clean and neat, paired with a nice top (never a t-shirt). Men, this suggests collared shirts like polos and weekend button-downs; women, stick to softer materials for your blouses and shirts and opt for heels or ballet flats. Sundresses can be casual, but if they would suit a tea party or Sunday service, then lop them in with informal.

Active Attire: In this style, anything truly goes. Active attire allows for individual style –so jeans and t-shirts emblazoned with text or graphics would be accepted. Also, urbanwear works here as well. This is the only style that really allows for sneakers as part of the attire.

If the function you’ve been invited to has no set attire, and you cannot discern the fanciness of the function, never dress down. Opt for casual your default.  Many functions these days have very specific style requirements like “spring wear” or “grown and sexy”. While these can be confusing, consider what traditional attire type they might fall into and then dress accordingly. For example, I might set “grown and sexy” in the cocktail attire category.

If all else fails, contact your host! I’m sure the host has a particular look in mind, and that advice will help wonders, ensuring that you do not stand out like a sore thumb as either entirely overdressed or brashly underdressed. Nothing is more a show of your lack of class than flouting the dress code for your function. So polish up and pay attention to that little attire line on your next invite.

Happy dressing!

~ Madam Ori

Here are some scenarios in which the DivaCup shines:

1. You’ve been invited out to the movies–impromptu. Usually if you are using other devices, you have to check to make sure you have enough supplies. Heaven forbid you’re in a situation where there isn’t a store open or nearby. Major anxiety, right? With the DivaCup, you can dump its contents, rinse it out, and be back in business without anyone ever knowing. Also the best for roadtrips.
2. You have to switch absorbencies throughout your period. Three or four different types of products for the different stages of your period. Again, with the DivaCup you just empty it as many or few times as necessary. You can sleep soundly with it without waking up in the middle of the night to do…maintenance. You won’t even need pantyliners.
3. Price. You buy several disposable products month after month–do the math. It’s pretty pricey! DivaCup is a single purchase every 1-2 years.
4. Eco-friendly. Think of all the feminine products we use and flush or throw away. Using the DivaCup helps reduce your waste and, in turn, all of our waste.